Saturday, February 28, 2015

Live Long and Prosper - How Leonard Nimoy and Spock Saved Me

So, obviously as I have explained I am a bit of an introvert with depression and social anxiety, I'm also a huge nerd and through middle school and high school I had a lot of issues feeling a part of the group or accepted in any way.

Nimoy's depiction of Spock spoke directly to my issues with my depression, anxiety, and emotions.  I was trying to fit in and control my emotional responses to being "outside of the norm".  My whole identity was separate from the mainstream and I tried to police my emotional responses from being depressed, anxious, lonely, so I could maintain a more even keel when my emotions got the better of me.  I used the mirror that Spock was for the human condition and his "struggling to maintain a Vulcan attitude, a Vulcan philosophical posture and a Vulcan logic, opposing what was fighting him internally, which was human emotion" - Leonard Nimoy quote (1984).  It helped and it gave me perspective.

While I wasn't struggling to have a more logical view or philosophical posture, I was trying to fit in when I could and to not internalize the issues of being an outsider.  I struggled with it to the point of wanting to not be around people any more to disappear from the world.  But Spock didn't run away from the conflict of his half-human, half-Vulcan reality, he worked to understand and function within this duality.  I don't know if other people had this introspection or not, but it sure saved me.  Kept my head above water and gave me perspective.

Besides watching Spock on Star Trek, the series and movies, I also followed Mr. Nimoy's career and read his books.  I really loved watching Mr. Nimoy as Spock but also Mr. Nimoy as Mr. Bell on Fringe and all of the times he loaned his voice to one thing or another.  In every role Leonard Nimoy brought so much depth and character to everything, and we are blessed with the gift of having been able to enjoy those moments from a very complex and interesting man's life and work.

Rest In Peace Leonard Nimoy, you are/were my hero and I hope that wherever you are, it is interesting and amazing.

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