A blog about life, the universe, everything and settling down with a good cup of tea.
In life we have to find the little things that bring us joy and make the world slow down so we can enjoy the colors all around. Sometimes I will post reviews about tea, sometimes how I feel and how I try to find my center, and some days it might just be nonsense. I invite you to read and enjoy.
So today I went to the +One Good Woman shop. It is wonderful! I felt the need to take a ton of pictures too!! I bought 1 ounce of their blends Wine-Oh!, Ti Kuan Yin, Sweet Matcha, Dream, Persian Nectar, Cheeky Peach, and Lili. I also grabbed a box of gluten-free scone mix, a book on Chinese Tea and Tea Wisdom, and Strawberry Rhubarb spread. I also picked up a box of +Harney & Sons Green Tea for Dawny. I stayed a while and then finally said, "Ok I think I have enough finally" and drove over to my moms' house.
We went to +Masala Bistro for their lunch buffet. The place was busy and that was wonderful to see. The owners are very sweet. Clearly my mom and Dawn go there often as the staff recognized them and said welcome back. The food was delicious and I had some tasty Chai. Always fun. We then decided to go to Betsy's Bakery. My parents needed their Quinoa bread and I wanted some too, so we got two loafs and some tasty treats and headed to their house.
I spent a nice day with my moms and had some tasty +Teavana brews, the Samurai Chai Mate and Maharaja Chai. I spent a while at their house and we chatted and spent a nice day together. Now it is 11 something and I am home with David and we are watching Batman the Animated Series before bed.
All in all, this was a wonderful day. Yay for delightful and delicious Saturdays!
So, obviously as I have explained I am a bit of an introvert with depression and social anxiety, I'm also a huge nerd and through middle school and high school I had a lot of issues feeling a part of the group or accepted in any way.
Nimoy's depiction of Spock spoke directly to my issues with my depression, anxiety, and emotions. I was trying to fit in and control my emotional responses to being "outside of the norm". My whole identity was separate from the mainstream and I tried to police my emotional responses from being depressed, anxious, lonely, so I could maintain a more even keel when my emotions got the better of me. I used the mirror that Spock was for the human condition and his "struggling to maintain a Vulcan attitude, a Vulcan philosophical posture and a Vulcan logic, opposing what was fighting him internally, which was human emotion" - Leonard Nimoy quote (1984). It helped and it gave me perspective.
While I wasn't struggling to have a more logical view or philosophical posture, I was trying to fit in when I could and to not internalize the issues of being an outsider. I struggled with it to the point of wanting to not be around people any more to disappear from the world. But Spock didn't run away from the conflict of his half-human, half-Vulcan reality, he worked to understand and function within this duality. I don't know if other people had this introspection or not, but it sure saved me. Kept my head above water and gave me perspective.
Besides watching Spock on Star Trek, the series and movies, I also followed Mr. Nimoy's career and read his books. I really loved watching Mr. Nimoy as Spock but also Mr. Nimoy as Mr. Bell on Fringe and all of the times he loaned his voice to one thing or another. In every role Leonard Nimoy brought so much depth and character to everything, and we are blessed with the gift of having been able to enjoy those moments from a very complex and interesting man's life and work.
Rest In Peace Leonard Nimoy, you are/were my hero and I hope that wherever you are, it is interesting and amazing.
Blueberries, strawberry, rhubarb, watermelon, pineapple, and lemon balm. Just the right mix to invoke the calm of a summer s day or minty jaunt through the produce section of the grocery.
Got my teas from +Tea Hugger today! OMG so amazing! I am so excited to try each and every one of them. Tonight I am not having any tea because I am exhausted and want to sleep early. So reviews and more happiness coming tomorrow and soon.
We were at the Broad Street Market for lunch and I went over to the Millworks farm fresh stand. David grabbed some Spicy Hot Pickles I REALLY wanted and also got me a Ginger Apple Drink (YUM!!). They sell +One Good Woman teas and I picked up two. I LOVED the Bingo Blueberry. I think David and I will probably go to her shop this weekend. YAY!!! Again, more reviews tomorrow.
Yummy Blueberry herbal tea made in my wonderful +Tea Forte PUGG teapot. A wonderful addition to the day! Reviews to come.
No really, I swear sometimes I expect people to tell me that my Social Anxiety is all a figment of my overactive imagination and I could get over it if I just stop believing it. While I do understand that my Social Anxiety is a psychological issue...it is not "made up", I am not just shy, and it won't simply cure itself if I think positively enough. Believe me when I say that I have tried to be positive and even face my fear at every opportunity but it does not cure me of the issue. I have gotten better at managing my responses and learned how to mediate the physical side-effects of an attack but that doesn't make it go away. My social anxiety is what is considered chronic, as it is persistent since childhood developmental stages, into adulthood and has grown. A lot of my panic comes from being judged as unintelligent, unattractive, weak, useless, and even just existing. I often try to explain this to people as always doubting myself so severely that I will talk myself out of speaking or even going out. But it is more than that. I will avoid public speaking, being seen in public, drawing any form of attention, and will relive every minute of real or imaginary blunders. I still relive moments from the day but also events from YEARS ago.
The reason I bring this up is that I needed to do a training today. It wasn't a big deal. Intellectually I KNOW THIS, but I was still sick to my stomach with the thought of having to stand in front of my entire office and give this talk. I know the subject well and could talk about it one-on-one till the cows came home, but more than one or two people and I just turn into a mess. I prepared everything and was ready to go. I psyched myself up last night and packed my fox for hugs this morning. I sat down at my desk and talked myself through my statements and planned everything to the last detail so I could just stand and read my notes and present the material.
My friend Jen sat right in front of me, she knows about my social issues, and told me to focus on her so I could get through it. I got in front of the group and smiled. I was in theatre and speech/debate when I was in school. Honestly enough I did both of those so I could combat my fear head-on but I would always make myself sick before and after. I have gotten really good at standing in front of groups and looking really "put together" when I needed to but inside I feel like my heart is going to pound through my chest, my throat and mouth go dry, my stomach feels like giant weasels are about to break through, and my knees start shaking. I stood in front of the office and gave my presentation, even fielding a question or two (which inside made my stomach hit my chin). I barely looked at anyone in the face, mostly only my friends Monica, Brad, Marc, and Jen. My temp rose all through the training and I was apparently bright red by the end. You would think this would just mean I was hot and sweating normally but as soon as I was done I found myself in a cold and clammy sweat. When the whole training was complete, I ended up sitting down on a chair to catch my breath and settle my shaking. My boss saw me sitting and he and Marc both told me I did well, I heard them but didn't really hear it and when Jaffa seemed surprised that I really was that shaken, I actually felt horrible for making him feel bad.
Like I told him, it is part of my job and I have to do it but I also need to sit down and have some time to myself after so I can recover. He understood and my staff all were very supportive of letting me sit at my desk for a few moments alone. I hugged my stuffed Valentine's fox from David and read my emails, realizing after I tried to drink my tea for the third time and spilling it on myself that I was shaking and should not be bothering with hot liquid right away. I ultimately decided to stay at work and keep working through everything even though my physiological response was nausea and my body started to respond like I was starting into a fibro flare-up. I had calmed my nerves enough to share my triumph, as I had shared my nerves, with my Facebook and Twitter friends and felt better as the morning progressed. I was able to drink some tea after a bit though it didn't seem to like staying put and my stomach did a reenactment of the waters that sunk the Edmund Fitzgerald. I drank some Ginger black tea and got through the day.
My bosses both seemed happy with what I had done and both said as much. I am happy to have the verbal affirmation because I generally don't have a positive review of my own work and constantly critique my errors, real or imagined.
I am sharing because anxiety, depression, and other "invisible" illnesses are hidden and unspoken far too often. I have this platform so why not speak about the things in life that I and several million Americans deal with. OK - the confessional is closed for the night. I'm off to bed. LOVE!
I woke up and promptly fell back into sleep looking like Boris Karloff's Mummy (BTW, if you need to follow the wiki link to find out who Boris Karloff was...I am disappointed in you :P). I couldn't move and I seriously was wondering if I was making my initial journey into the Duat. I apparently was channeling Boris Karloff for the first few hours today because I also did my best rendition of his Frankenstein's monster as I shuffled from the house to the car, from the car into work, and about my morning craziness at work. Marc reminded me that we had not had a meeting on Monday and we needed to discuss and plan for the bi-weekly training for Wednesday. My smart mouth got me volunteered for that duty...YAY! (/sarcasm).
I made myself +The Tea Spot's Shagadelic English Breakfast tea with milk and sugar, because I'm cool like that, and promptly drank the whole cup in a very short amount of time. I am sure 64.1 million plus Brits all felt a disturbance in the tea-force this morning with how fast I uncouthly finished that cuppa and made myself a second (which also got finished faster than a frat guy finishes a beer and crushes it on his forehead). I made out my "lesson plan" for Wednesday's training and then proceeded to go about normal work processes.
David was having a bit of an off day, so I sent him a message or two but I didn't want to bother so I just did a lot of focusing on work as I plotted my eventual mind-control plans for the office..I mean...training session for Wednesday.
I listened and danced to every song that +Mary Lambert has ever made, followed by +Amanda Palmer. That was a lot of female empowerment, so I felt like being a smart-a** so after I had found out some unpleasant "feedback"/news earlier in the day I sounded off on vague-book and expected someone to tell me to chill out. I was surprised when even to now I have not been told to calm the f*** down, but I honestly wasn't angry I was actually rather dismissive and honest about the fact that I don't have time for drama and the BS of being two-faced. I call a spade a spade. (I also know how to use one)
Anyway. I played with the toys on my desk, Draco-duck being one (he would be the crying duck to the left) (you might recognize him from other staged photos of my tea at work and past blog entries), while I amused myself on my 15 minute afternoon break and made myself the upteenth-millionth cup of Matcha this week. This blend was from +Adagio Teas, which means that I was at least varying my green tea drinking. I posted a fun photo I doctored via photo editor to Twitter and Instagram. At that point my break was over and I had a brief meeting with my staff reviewing our plans to storm the beaches for the next week.
Got home tonight and we kept to ourselves and just relaxed. I made myself a blend of what I will call "White Strawberries". It was white tea and wild strawberry herbal tea with blue cornflowers. I reheated dinner from last night for both David and I and he played Dishonored. Good thing to note, I recognized one of the guy's voices as that of Piter De Vries...or at least who I identify as Piter from the David Lynch adaptation of Frank Herbert's DUNE...the actor's actual name is Brad Dourif. You might know him as Grima Wormtongue from the LOTR movies, Doc Cochran in Deadwood, or Billy Bibbit in One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest (seriously just look at the link I set up to his IMDB page - he has literally been in everything and he's played every truly awesome psycho in any show ever).
I had a bit of "therapy" from my amazing doctor's Ben & Jerry, in the frozen chocolaty ice cream variety. And now I feel more than prepared for sleep. I have finished this blog entry at this point, so I leave you with the awesomeness that is Mary Lambert. GOOD NIGHT!
Below are Mary Lambert's lyrics to the above awesome song, "Secrets", all rights to Ms. Lambert and her label, I am sharing because SHE IS AMAZING!!! I have been dancing like a psycho to her music (specifically this song) for two days. Enjoy. OH! And buy her MUSIC!!
"Secrets"
I've got bi-polar disorder
My shit's not in order
I'm overweight
I'm always late
I've got too many things to say
I rock mom jeans, cat earrings
Extrapolate my feelings
My family is dysfunctional
But we have a good time killing each other
[Pre-Chorus:]
They tell us from the time we're young
To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I'm over it
[Chorus:]
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are) So-o-o-o-o what
So what
So what
So what
I can't think straight, I'm so gay
Sometimes I cry a whole day
I care a lot, use an analog clock
And never know when to stop
And I'm passive, aggressive
I'm scared of the dark and the dentist
I love my butt and won't shut up
And I never really grew up
[Pre-Chorus]
They tell us from the time we're young
To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I'm over it
[Chorus:]
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
So what
So what
So what
So what
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
So what
So what
So what
So what
(I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are)
Yesterday and today were difficult for spoon management, so most of my writing today will be supplemented by pictures. I just made myself a quick small pot (the Tea Forte Pugg Pot) of Harney & Sons Hot Cinnamon Spice tea. It is amazing and I drank the whole pot rather quickly. My hands hurt and I am at the shaky point of exhausted, so this will be brief.
Today was a normal Monday at work. Not too terrible but I had a bit of a hard time waking up, so I was dragging a bit. I think the constant waves of temperature changes and such are taking their toll and in between each relaxing moment of tea drinking, shopping, or snuggling my husband have been moments that tax my strength and remind me to breathe. I made a sign for Alex today and decided to hang it outside my desk because, while he needs to be reminded to breathe and lean on his support when necessary, we all need reminded of that.
I made more Republic of Tea Double Green Matcha Tea during work and that kept me going. I was reminded throughout work as I made several cups that I should always be mindful during drinking tea and especially when it comes to the last drops and dredges of a Matcha cup.
It got me thinking philosophically and thought I found an interesting parallel to life with that. We should remember to drink life to the fullest, even consuming the dredges or leaf remains that made it through the tea ball, because not only are their messages with what remains after we've finished our cups, making sure not to waste or to lose the nourishment of the final sip because we might miss something all together if we did. I will need to reread one of my Zen & Japanese culture teacher's essays about the Way of Tea again, I felt like he and his wife (my Tea Master/Teacher at school) were talking to me through the Ether.
I made dinner and that completely spent any and all strength I had to do much of anything. I was craving stir fry so we went to Weis and I grabbed boneless chicken breast, vegetables, GF Stir Fry Sauce, eggs, and a new bag of Jasmine Rice. I have always loved eggs in my rice/stir fry, so after the rice had cooked and I prepared the stir fry, I mixed some rice in with three scrambled/stir fried eggs and served it all in a nice heaping pile of yum.
It was David, Rich, Scott, and I home for dinner tonight, so there was plenty of food and leftovers for lunches tomorrow. They guys said they liked it and that makes me happy. I was nervous because I tried pre-seasoning the chicken with red curry and turmeric before adding the stir fry sauce, I think it made the plate aromatic and gave the chicken a few more layers of flavor. So all in all, I am proud of myself. The guys were nice enough to clean up as I was completely spent regarding standing up and putting everything away at that point.
Now I am curled up on my wonderful, soft bed all covered in blankets and watching David play Dishonored. I am sleepy but I wanted to get this blog entry in, since I missed yesterday to fibro-naps. I was completely gone yesterday, I guess the guys tried to wake me, which didn't work. OH! My purchases came already, which is how I got to enjoy the Hot Cinnamon Spice tea in my Pugg teapot. More posts tomorrow. I'm using Instagram now too, so tons of posts to Twitter and Facebook for #TeaLeafTherapy and amazing bright spots when companies and fellow tea bloggers favorite or share my posts and comment in interest. While I am tired from spent spoons recently, blogging about tea and being active in my love of tea has given me a wonderful outlet that helps me gather myself up to be excited and proud. Now to keep going and conquer the world...I mean share my love of tea and celebrate the cultural impact/significance and beauty of TEA.
